I was recently discussing shame with a professor recently. While we were talking, the topic of silence came up, and the professor noted the relationship between the two. Since that meeting, I’ve been thinking about this pairing, shame and silence Often, shame seems like it is mostly a verb, something done to a person. However, I think that most of the time in life, shame is a noun; something that we feel eating away at us.

It is natural that our first response to an emotion like shame is to keep quiet. I mean, who honestly wants to admit something that was important enough to illicit shame. Embarrassment, maybe, but shame? Better keep that one inside. And so we turn to silence to keep hidden the festering infection in the hopes that it will simply go away.

Vain hopes, really, because shame loves silence. It is like trying to throw out mold in a cool damp area. You are only going to give it the fuel it needs to spread faster. In fact, breaking silence is one of the few ways to hack at the roots of shame. Once you are willing to talk about it, shame loses its power, even if it is still painful. And if talking to a person seems out of the question, then bring it to God. Just because He knows it already, doesn’t mean that saying something won’t spark the healing process.

Pax,

-Paul Hart Cochran